Karwaan

"That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet" ~Emily Dickinson

It were the early hours of a summer morning. The Sun had already threw up its rays, eager to paint the sky with its bright hues. People were beginning to start their day and so did I, but with a snooze. It was a day that I knew would be among the few 'to be remembered forever' ones.

With much anticipation, I dragged myself out of the bed, got freshened up, packed the luggage and waited for the perfect moment.

" Beta, did you promise someone to not leave the plate empty? You never have your food properly. In your age, you should be able to cook the food and serve others. But no, you can't even take care of yourself. How will you manage your new family? Thank God Satish's family is not authoritative. Can't find a more suitable match for you. You're lucky," mom reminded, and I, grinned.

My eyes were desperately looking at the clock. It was ten past 7. My heart started pounding aloud than the ticking clock. If everything would go as per plan, then in 5 minutes I'd start the biggest adventure of my life.

7.15 AM; Mom's phone rang. She started taking the call and in 2 minutes, as expected, she went to the balcony talking. With my gushing adrenaline, I rushed to my room, took the luggage from under the cot and ran towards the main door. Placed the bag near the stairs, came inside and yelled "Bye mom. Cab's here." Even before I could hear a reply, I took the bag and rushed to the ground floor, boarded the ola auto and started on my journey.

7:55 AM: BHEL bus depot; Pavan suggested me to take this share cabs available at affordable prices. For me, this was the only mode of transport that I could opt without a reservation and at such a short notice. 

"Hello Anna. This is Dhani. I need to go to Vizag. Pavan gave me your number......yes...yes...ok....vehicle no: 9541...ok thanks".

After a seven minute search, I could finally find the grey Xylo 9541. As a self-concerned Indian female, I rushed and occupied the front seat smiling at my driver brother. There were two boys aged about 20s in the back seat. After sometime, a couple with a kid arrived and finally we started our journey by 8.40 AM.

Songs were being played aloud but it could hardly reach my ears as I was busy questioning my decision again and again. There was a constant fight between my intuition and action. My co-passengers had already introduced themselves and the lady started feeding her girl. I didn't bother to converse with them. I wasn't interested to know where they're travelling or to be more precise, to let them know why I'm travelling. To avoid any conversations, I've applied the nation-wide formula of escape - my earphones. After a short stare, the driver anna reduced the volume of the music.

After an hour, we halted at LB Nagar for some tea. When we got back, a tall guy in his early 30s also joined us. As I adamantly sticked to my front seat, he occupied the middle row window side and we resumed our journey.

It would take 12 more hours to reach Vizag. To visit the sea. To feel the breeze. To start my own identity. To start my career as a food vlogger. From a boring IT professional to a chef cum food vlogger. Amazing it sounds. But at the cost of what? A mom who could never understand her own daughter? A dad who is always regretting not having a son? Or the in-laws who are measuring my worth in terms of rupees?

I've tried keeping up with my parent's expectations for long. But doing the same for my in-laws till death is beyond my patience. I can't even imagine being tied up with someone for life when I myself am not at peace. Satish is a good guy. He comes from a decent family, good education background, working as a senior software developer. But not as good as he can openly oppose his parents about dowry, or be it letting me resign my job after marriage. He needs a working woman who would put her entire salary at his mom's feet and also handle the household chores. Atleast this is what I've understood from our first meet.
First meet to fixing our engagement didn't take much long. I didn't had a strong reason to rebel. They didn't bother to ask for my consent. And so I, decided to give life a chance. A chance to live life on my own terms.

The cries of the little girl in the backseat grabbed my attention. Her mom's efforts to calm her down went in vain. Her dad seemed so habituated with the girl, that he didn't give a damn. One of the two guys in the rear seats took out his guitar and started playing. The girl calmed a bit. The other guy of the two, started singing to the tune and the girl started crying aloud than before. They had to stop playing music. Finally the middle row window seat guy took the girl and made her sit on his lap and said.."Let me tell you a story..a story of a magical cuckoo. But only if you stop crying." The 5 yr old Minnu excitingly calmed down and was all ears and so was I faking the headset.

" Once upon a time, there was a huge huge dense forest. Among all the trees, there was a beautiful Bodhi tree. The tree was a home for hundreds of birds and insects. Amidst its branches, lied a cute nest of a magical cuckoo. The cuckoo and its baby were living happily on the Bodhi tree. After some days, the baby's wings flourished. The baby cuckoo one day asked its mother why don't we explore other trees? The mother bird said when we're happy to live here, why to go somewhere else. One day when the mother cuckoo was away, the little cuckoo thought to explore the forest and flew away. It flew and flew and flew and went beyond the horizon of the forest. On its way, it got to eat grains of silver. With greed, it flew further and got grains of gold. With greed, it flew further and got grains of diamonds. It took some grains and started to fly back to its nest but lost the way. It became weak and fell unconscious as it couldn't eat diamond grains." "Shall we stop at a dhaba or a restaurant?" The driver asked diverting us from the story. 'Dhaba will do' said the majority.
What a lame story I thought to myself.

"Uncle what happened to the cuckoo??" The girl seemed pretty interested. "The mother cuckoo who saw her kid was missing, started searching all over the forest. After a lot of search, she finally found her baby cuckoo on the ground. The mother cuckoo, without any delay, with all her magic, poured life into the baby and disappeared. The baby cuckoo returned home to see the Bodhi tree all withered with their nest missing. The baby cuckoo threw the diamonds and started crying for its mother." With the vehicle's break, we came back to our senses and the driver signalled us for a lunch break.

Unable to withhold my anticipation, I asked "did the mother cuckoo ever return ?" " Hi, I'm Dhani.  Your story is good. Can I join your table for lunch? " " Yes, ofcourse. Well, I'm Karthik. So you weren't hearing songs all this while?" I smiled embarrassingly. He continued "Umm..in this story, maybe yes. But in real life, cuckoos won't return. Once they're gone, they're gone forever. "
"I didn't get you. You mean this is a real story?"
" Yes. I lost my mom 3 years ago. She was an environmentalist living in a remote village. I went exploring the city life and made myself busy in the corporate world. Before I could realise that my passion is not mere earning money but spending a quality life with my mum, she was gone. The hard part is I couldn't even get to see her for a last time. I was busy with a project that I completely ignored any calls from my village. Now I work with an NGO that strives for child & environment development."
"I'm sorry about your mom. But is it wrong to go after your passion ?"

"Absolutely no. You should always chase your passion. But you should know exactly what your passion is about. It shouldn't turn into a burden.. we're all burdened by something or the other. Lucky are those who get to choose their burden. What matters is, if you're happy with it, or no. Even if its a no, your options can be to live guilt-free or no. Life's much easier when we realise that each of us is living someone else's dream.... I.. hope I'm not boring you"
"....no !! I think you helped me with what I needed...the most."

One of the best skills that you learn in corporate is quick decision making. Even while I was about to make a decision, my legs started walking towards the car, I took my luggage, put the cash near the steering wheel, crossed the street and boarded the bus that was returning to hyd after halting at the Dhaba.

Life's not always fair, but I don't want someone believe the same because of me. I knew what my passion is, but is it possible to pursue it only by sacrificing my family? No. Maybe I can sort it out. Maybe I can have a valuable conversation with my dad. Maybe I can tell mom that I'm not ready for things. Maybe I can gather the courage to listen and follow my own intuition. Maybe I can live a regretless life with a mere talk. A 'maybe' is always better than a 'cannot'. Else, I'll anyway have a Xylo ready to pick me up ;)

"Hello mom"

" Beta done with your training? If possible, come home early today. I'm preparing your favorite kheer puri. You didn't even had proper breakfast. Okay? "
"Okay, mom." I knew I was right. My family loves me more than Satish.:D

Let your passion be guilt-free...