Saint Bernard

"If you can be one thing, be kind."

When the whole country was under lockdown; when there were chaos all around, yet the streets were abandoned; when some were losing hope on their lives while others were building their hopes on share market, a 10 year old Ajay had some other plans.

Unlike other students, Ajay wasn't too joyful with his quarantine. He had his own convincing reasons. And one of the major reasons was that he couldn't trick his family anymore for bucks. From tuition fees to stationary requirements to teacher's day celebration at school, he hadn't left a single opportunity to grab those extra pennies.

His birthday was soon approaching and he needed a couple of hundreds to purchase his special birthday gift which he was yearning for long. His mere thought of receiving his gift on his b'day and winning over his rival classmate was so ego-satisfying. And so Ajay laid on the sofa  his school days.

Abhi was a 11 year old boy studying at the DPS along with Ajay. Although, his family couldn't afford the fees, he earned it under the RTE act. Abhi was smart enough in his academics and it didn't take him long to become one of the top 3 students of the class surpassing Ajay. He was also unintentionally gaining fame for the cute puppies he had at his home. Ajay, who always like to remind others about his uptown class, demanded Abhi to sell him the puppy at whatever cost he'd impose. Abhi gently denied the deal saying that he can't imagine selling a life and it was too early for that puppy to be adopted.

One more denial for an already feeling-lost soul was too much to take for Ajay. He challenged Abhi in the face that he'd get a puppy by his birthday which Abhi cannot afford and which is definitely not a local breed. Now all he wanted was a posh-looking, adorable, heart-snatching; Saint Bernard.

Ajay knew what response he'd get at home if he requested for a new pet. He was sure about being denied. But he wasn't going to lose his hopes so soon. He planned to purchase the puppy with his own money and pretend to be gifted by his pals. This way, he could show off his puppy as well as find a place at home.

"Ajay !!" waking up from his thoughts, Ajay attended his father's call. "Would you like to come to the clinic? We'll be back soon." "Yes, dad. But if you give me a 100 bucks." Dad smiled and agreed. Both of them left to the dad's clinic to get the case study files that he'd forgotten. It was almost 8 pm and people were religiously sticking to their homes.

"Would you like to stay in the car or will you come upstairs? " "I'll stay here" Ajay said. "ok but don't get out of the car. I'll be back soon," dad left.

Past 7 minutes, Ajay saw a guy far away walking with two large cans in hand & a mask on his face. The guy walked all the way to the junction street, placed the cans near the bushes, and started serving food in paper plates that he got along. Soon, a group of dogs came running towards the boy wagging their tales, some jumping over one another. The boy served food to all those dogs and quickly walked towards the next street. As he was coming forward, under the flickering street light, Ajay recognized the boy to be Abhi. He was stunned at what he just saw. He didn't react but observed his thoughts gushing in. He knew he didn't do any wrong, yet he felt sorry for someone, for something.

Next morning, Abhi's mom woke him up and indicated to check the verandah. There was a bicycle with an envelope to its carrier. Abhi opened the envelop and found some cash and a letter. It read " I still hate you, but this time for not teaching me kindness earlier." Abhi smiled in gratitude.

Ajay was both happy and worried. Happy for something obvious and worried to create a new convincing story about his "lost bicycle".

Karwaan

"That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet" ~Emily Dickinson

It were the early hours of a summer morning. The Sun had already threw up its rays, eager to paint the sky with its bright hues. People were beginning to start their day and so did I, but with a snooze. It was a day that I knew would be among the few 'to be remembered forever' ones.

With much anticipation, I dragged myself out of the bed, got freshened up, packed the luggage and waited for the perfect moment.

" Beta, did you promise someone to not leave the plate empty? You never have your food properly. In your age, you should be able to cook the food and serve others. But no, you can't even take care of yourself. How will you manage your new family? Thank God Satish's family is not authoritative. Can't find a more suitable match for you. You're lucky," mom reminded, and I, grinned.

My eyes were desperately looking at the clock. It was ten past 7. My heart started pounding aloud than the ticking clock. If everything would go as per plan, then in 5 minutes I'd start the biggest adventure of my life.

7.15 AM; Mom's phone rang. She started taking the call and in 2 minutes, as expected, she went to the balcony talking. With my gushing adrenaline, I rushed to my room, took the luggage from under the cot and ran towards the main door. Placed the bag near the stairs, came inside and yelled "Bye mom. Cab's here." Even before I could hear a reply, I took the bag and rushed to the ground floor, boarded the ola auto and started on my journey.

7:55 AM: BHEL bus depot; Pavan suggested me to take this share cabs available at affordable prices. For me, this was the only mode of transport that I could opt without a reservation and at such a short notice. 

"Hello Anna. This is Dhani. I need to go to Vizag. Pavan gave me your number......yes...yes...ok....vehicle no: 9541...ok thanks".

After a seven minute search, I could finally find the grey Xylo 9541. As a self-concerned Indian female, I rushed and occupied the front seat smiling at my driver brother. There were two boys aged about 20s in the back seat. After sometime, a couple with a kid arrived and finally we started our journey by 8.40 AM.

Songs were being played aloud but it could hardly reach my ears as I was busy questioning my decision again and again. There was a constant fight between my intuition and action. My co-passengers had already introduced themselves and the lady started feeding her girl. I didn't bother to converse with them. I wasn't interested to know where they're travelling or to be more precise, to let them know why I'm travelling. To avoid any conversations, I've applied the nation-wide formula of escape - my earphones. After a short stare, the driver anna reduced the volume of the music.

After an hour, we halted at LB Nagar for some tea. When we got back, a tall guy in his early 30s also joined us. As I adamantly sticked to my front seat, he occupied the middle row window side and we resumed our journey.

It would take 12 more hours to reach Vizag. To visit the sea. To feel the breeze. To start my own identity. To start my career as a food vlogger. From a boring IT professional to a chef cum food vlogger. Amazing it sounds. But at the cost of what? A mom who could never understand her own daughter? A dad who is always regretting not having a son? Or the in-laws who are measuring my worth in terms of rupees?

I've tried keeping up with my parent's expectations for long. But doing the same for my in-laws till death is beyond my patience. I can't even imagine being tied up with someone for life when I myself am not at peace. Satish is a good guy. He comes from a decent family, good education background, working as a senior software developer. But not as good as he can openly oppose his parents about dowry, or be it letting me resign my job after marriage. He needs a working woman who would put her entire salary at his mom's feet and also handle the household chores. Atleast this is what I've understood from our first meet.
First meet to fixing our engagement didn't take much long. I didn't had a strong reason to rebel. They didn't bother to ask for my consent. And so I, decided to give life a chance. A chance to live life on my own terms.

The cries of the little girl in the backseat grabbed my attention. Her mom's efforts to calm her down went in vain. Her dad seemed so habituated with the girl, that he didn't give a damn. One of the two guys in the rear seats took out his guitar and started playing. The girl calmed a bit. The other guy of the two, started singing to the tune and the girl started crying aloud than before. They had to stop playing music. Finally the middle row window seat guy took the girl and made her sit on his lap and said.."Let me tell you a story..a story of a magical cuckoo. But only if you stop crying." The 5 yr old Minnu excitingly calmed down and was all ears and so was I faking the headset.

" Once upon a time, there was a huge huge dense forest. Among all the trees, there was a beautiful Bodhi tree. The tree was a home for hundreds of birds and insects. Amidst its branches, lied a cute nest of a magical cuckoo. The cuckoo and its baby were living happily on the Bodhi tree. After some days, the baby's wings flourished. The baby cuckoo one day asked its mother why don't we explore other trees? The mother bird said when we're happy to live here, why to go somewhere else. One day when the mother cuckoo was away, the little cuckoo thought to explore the forest and flew away. It flew and flew and flew and went beyond the horizon of the forest. On its way, it got to eat grains of silver. With greed, it flew further and got grains of gold. With greed, it flew further and got grains of diamonds. It took some grains and started to fly back to its nest but lost the way. It became weak and fell unconscious as it couldn't eat diamond grains." "Shall we stop at a dhaba or a restaurant?" The driver asked diverting us from the story. 'Dhaba will do' said the majority.
What a lame story I thought to myself.

"Uncle what happened to the cuckoo??" The girl seemed pretty interested. "The mother cuckoo who saw her kid was missing, started searching all over the forest. After a lot of search, she finally found her baby cuckoo on the ground. The mother cuckoo, without any delay, with all her magic, poured life into the baby and disappeared. The baby cuckoo returned home to see the Bodhi tree all withered with their nest missing. The baby cuckoo threw the diamonds and started crying for its mother." With the vehicle's break, we came back to our senses and the driver signalled us for a lunch break.

Unable to withhold my anticipation, I asked "did the mother cuckoo ever return ?" " Hi, I'm Dhani.  Your story is good. Can I join your table for lunch? " " Yes, ofcourse. Well, I'm Karthik. So you weren't hearing songs all this while?" I smiled embarrassingly. He continued "Umm..in this story, maybe yes. But in real life, cuckoos won't return. Once they're gone, they're gone forever. "
"I didn't get you. You mean this is a real story?"
" Yes. I lost my mom 3 years ago. She was an environmentalist living in a remote village. I went exploring the city life and made myself busy in the corporate world. Before I could realise that my passion is not mere earning money but spending a quality life with my mum, she was gone. The hard part is I couldn't even get to see her for a last time. I was busy with a project that I completely ignored any calls from my village. Now I work with an NGO that strives for child & environment development."
"I'm sorry about your mom. But is it wrong to go after your passion ?"

"Absolutely no. You should always chase your passion. But you should know exactly what your passion is about. It shouldn't turn into a burden.. we're all burdened by something or the other. Lucky are those who get to choose their burden. What matters is, if you're happy with it, or no. Even if its a no, your options can be to live guilt-free or no. Life's much easier when we realise that each of us is living someone else's dream.... I.. hope I'm not boring you"
"....no !! I think you helped me with what I needed...the most."

One of the best skills that you learn in corporate is quick decision making. Even while I was about to make a decision, my legs started walking towards the car, I took my luggage, put the cash near the steering wheel, crossed the street and boarded the bus that was returning to hyd after halting at the Dhaba.

Life's not always fair, but I don't want someone believe the same because of me. I knew what my passion is, but is it possible to pursue it only by sacrificing my family? No. Maybe I can sort it out. Maybe I can have a valuable conversation with my dad. Maybe I can tell mom that I'm not ready for things. Maybe I can gather the courage to listen and follow my own intuition. Maybe I can live a regretless life with a mere talk. A 'maybe' is always better than a 'cannot'. Else, I'll anyway have a Xylo ready to pick me up ;)

"Hello mom"

" Beta done with your training? If possible, come home early today. I'm preparing your favorite kheer puri. You didn't even had proper breakfast. Okay? "
"Okay, mom." I knew I was right. My family loves me more than Satish.:D

Let your passion be guilt-free...

The Stage

A leisure Sunday evening it was. The usual crowded streets were getting lonely and most of the traffic was heading towards the Mohsin convention. The convention hall seemed like a jaggery pod coated with butter attracting the ants. Some ants were rushing to meet their celebrity friend, some to explore this new talent and the rest to capture some moments for their next whatsapp status update.

The stage was all adorned with bright lights. Focus lights at the front were seemingly eager to focus on the much awaited singer of the evening. The inverted U shaped dias with a perfect white floor and maroon curtains was the thing everyone were staring at.

At the backstage in a tiny vanity room, she was sitting on the couch in a rather trepidatious state. Her palms pressing onto one another, fingers constantly moving but eyes steadily staring at the floor. She knew if there's any time to be stronger, it is then.

Standing up, she started walking towards the stage. Her legs were staggeringly moving forward though her mind was lagging behind.

From the lobby leading to the main stage, she could hear the loud cheers of the audience as her name was announced. In a moment, all she could hear was her heart thumping aloud than the voices. As she entered the stage, she knew this is the place she has always wanted to reach. The lights dashing onto her face were making it difficult to look forward but easy to hide the audience from her vision.

She held the mic and she knew she reached her destination. Her passion, her efforts, her sacrifices flashed before her eyes as she flipped the lyric book. She raised her eyes to stare at the new magical world for once and to her dismay, she got up to a real world on her bed with red eyes and closed walls.

In a moment she felt amazed, perplexed and gloomy all at once. She knew what she wanted but what she didn't want was the burden of regret. As something determining in her mind, she looked at the watch. It was 3.05 am. She plugged in her earphones as she knew she cannot get back to sleep.

The Heartbreaker

"No not this one, that gold wala !" Meera was busy choosing the right Bangle set to match her beloved lehenga. 
"Heya..yup almost done. Just some facial and hair dos left. Will definitely be there on time tomorrow," informed to her friend.

"Listen..Rahul is also invited. Just saying..." her friend hesitatingly reminded on call.
"........that's...that's great. Umm..I'll call you back later. I'm driving." Meera hung up the call after covering up for an awkward silence.

Vehicles were moving by, but all she could see were the glimpses of her moments with the guy who had the right on her emotions.

Reaching home, she opened the door and on the bed there was lying this mesmerizing pink lehenga with intricate golden thread works. A perfect copy of the beautiful designer Sabyasachi Lehenga she always adored. Something she dreamt of being clicked in for her Instagram stories and live a moment of glam.

"That is it !! I've already moved on from all the nasty shit. I wouldn't waste my emotions on someone who didn't give a damn about my feelings. He treated me as if I was an option to him and that too least preferred," she said to herself wiping her unknown tears swirling in her eyes.

"Anyways he wouldn't show up. He might be busy with his so called motel business. However, seeing him again would be the last thing I'd do on earth." Affirming to herself, Meera went to bed with a heavy heart and an empty stomach.

The wedding eve soon came by. The venue was lit as heaven. The fairy lights on the bushes were flickering in excitement. The Sun seemed like hanging on to see her before dusk. And she walked in...

She walked in a blue chiffon brocade sari gifted by her ex. Looking stunning as ever with mere makeup and glistening eyes. She walked away under the golden chandeliers with stomach full of butterflies and heart full of hope...

Love is helplessness too...

Marry me not

Yet another rush hour and the driver waiting at the gate impatiently confused whether to call again or horn for a 9th time. Just then she hurriedly stepped out of the door with a handbag slipping down her shoulders, a diary and a headset in each of her hands still waiting to get into the bag. She boarded the cab planning a series of explanations to convince the driver. "Sorry Anna. Phone was in silent." A few grams of guilt got off her shoulders.

Plugged in the headset and scrolling through the 165 saved songs which she's been listening since the last 3 years, 'How strange it is that a 9 songs playlist can decide our mood for the day' she thought to herself securing her window seat.

As the song began to play, her eyes rolled onto the window ignoring her co-travellers..first appreciating the dew on the pane, then crossing a little further and watching the traffic..the lights of the vehicles, the expressions of people..the toys selling at the traffic signal..then a little higher into the darkened sky void of the stars. Suddenly a curve on her lips turned flat.

"Meera its high time that you choose a guy for yourself. You can't deny the matches with some lame excuses. All your friends are getting married. Do you think they're mad? Or are you smarter than all of them? Be practical. At your age, I'd already conceived."

With a silence and angerly raging emotions, Meera remembered her mom's reminder about her marriage and helplessness filled her eyes.

'How do I make her understand that I want to be understood. I've already conditioned my dreamy wild soul into a basic society-worthy creature. But how do I ignore the fact that I might have to continue to pretend for a 50 more years and make my every single moment as suffocating as my every compromised dream. Just because I'm an introvert doesn't mean I should give up on hope. I just wish there could be a way where my prince charming get to know me well and accepts me for what I am. Make every effort to make me his and sweep me off my feet...if only I could express this to him.' Meera laughed off at her fairytale fantasies.

The cab entered the office gates dragging the unwilling Meera into the mirror palace. "Sana, there are still 2 slides pending. You better complete and go through it once. And no staggering during the presentation..." Meera stepped out of the cab as a responsible corporate professional busy in a call, clueless about her fantasy filled diary being left behind...!